Why People Don't Heal And How They Can

I first came across Carolyn Myss, the author of this book, about 8 years ago. Since then, I've started this book 3 times and stopped because I saw different aspects of myself in the pages I wasn't yet ready to confront. If you were to put one self-improvement book on your summer reading list, I'd highly suggest this one.

Many of my clients initially come to me because they suffer from chronic pain and chronic fatigue. Naturally, they feel angry at their body and that they can't live their lives to the extent that they would like. Feeling stuck and depressed is an understandable companion to this anger. That said, the more anger we project back onto our bodies, the longer and more fraught the healing process is. A more effective path to healing is seeing the pain as a point of entry to explore deep within ourselves. In Why People Don't Heal and How They Can, Myss offers some ways to identify if we're suffering from what she calls Woundology and belief systems that could stifle our healing process.

These are the author's top 5 belief systems that most people get caught in when they're in pain or are ill. To move forward, we have to detach from the belief.

5 Myths of Healing

1. My life is defined by my wound (Woundology).
Seeing life through the lens of a traumatic experience means projecting that onto every future relationship and experience (though a book I wrote about last year here says the brain naturally will do this after trauma). Those stuck in this pattern will seek out a social support network that will be sympathetic to their experience and then they never have to move past it. Moreover, they connect with others by comparing wounds and feel empowered if they are more wounded than someone else. She specifically mentions survivor and addiction groups and that they are helpful at certain stages. To continue healing, however, one has to move past that identity of survivor or addict.

In short, we can get stuck in the healing process if we define our identity and live our lives through our wounds rather than evolving past them. It can be a tricky process because someone may think they're addressing their wounds, but what they're really doing is carrying them around like a badge of honor. Over time, our wounds accumulate and gradually suck our energy, leaving us prone to depression, pain and illness. To move past your wounds, focus efforts on things that feed you rather than deplete you. If a current event triggers you to recall all the other times this has happened to you, rather than listing the wounds, look at what you're doing in your life that is creating part of that pattern.

2. Being healthy means being alone.
This is a system that I've personally been guilty of over the last couple of years until I acknowledged that by engaging with others means I have to grow through the things that trigger me. When I envisioned myself as healthy, I was the only one in the room rather than being surrounded by those who I know love and support me. Myss contends healing is an ongoing process that is best done in a community that can help support our changes; "Healing does not represent the closure of the needs of the heart; rather, it is a doorway toward opening your heart." She cites American individualism as a culture block to realizing this yet also acknowledges that sometimes we do need to separate from someone or a community to grow.

3. Feeling pain means being destroyed by pain.
It's normal to believe that pain or illness is negative, yet these feelings can also push us to explore within ourselves and move away from destructive habits and behavioral patterns. She cautions against relying too much on prescription drugs or painkillers in general because they can mask the symptoms of what our body is asking us to heal. She suggests using a mindfulness practice like yoga or meditation to help with healing consciously.

4. All illness is a result of negativity and we are damaged at our core.
Myss encourages readers to not immediately blame a failure to heal on a past experience or negative belief. Illness is complex and there's plenty of toxins in our environment and genes that can be an aspect of illness. Our focus should instead be on our ability to create change over controlling our thoughts. Sometimes it's better to just let go of the negative thoughts or past experiences over trying to dive into them and understand them....that can do more harm than good.

5. True change is impossible.
Most of us don't really like change and to change but healing and change are the same thing. We associate illness with fear and negativity so it can be intimidating to confront the illness and look at how much we really take care of ourselves versus the needs of others. Try shifting the belief that healing will be hard or depressing to relieving and exciting.

This is one of the few books on healing that I've read that actually provides a structure for analyzing one's beliefs and how to better understand and forgive--she actually encourages making a chart/spreadsheet and guides readers on specificially how to structure it. That said, it's a very East meets West, spiritually-minded approach, so if that's not your bag, this may not be for you. If it is, Myss has a unique perspective on understanding how American culture looks at pain and illness that I found to be eye-opening in forgiving myself and others because we're all stuck in some collective, old mindsets that we can let go of reacting to individually.

The Body Keeps Score

Did you know that if you (or someone you know) have suffered through abuse, a traumatic event or upbringing that the brain actually shifted as you (they) attempted to process the pain? This book has rocked my world the past couple of weeks in learning how amazing the body is and how healing from trauma is a layered process.

What is trauma?

In short, something that was stressful in which you felt alone. Obvious examples here include abuse, natural disaster, loss, terrorism and war. In looking at the behavioral patterns that can arise from trauma, I can't help but think most of us could cite some form of traumatic event(s)/relationship(s) in our lives.

How does the brain shift?

Trauma can actually change the brain's alert system and responding hormones in addition to leaving a mark on the brain similar to a stroke. The author, Bessel Van der Kolk, conducted a study where he showed participants images to trigger their trauma while monitoring their brain hemispheres. When participants were exposed to traumatic images, the right side of the brain that impacts how we perceive the world around us was activated, while the left, organizational side deactivated. The brain itself is in response mode to the trigger without real context of time or place. Moreover, the brain's response to trauma is pre-verbal so this explains why recounting what happened in a logical or coherent manner may be difficult or garbled.

While one may consciously choose not to respond to a trauma trigger, the body systems are still reacting, including hormones, which don't return back to normal levels after being in fight or flight or freeze mode. Because of this there is an internal disconnect so one may suffer from addiction or self-mutilation as well as illness, adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue, poor sleep, memory issues, autoimmune disorders and irritability. (If you're super geeky about this stuff, as I am, he spends a good 10 pages going into brain chemistry specifics...but does so in a very approachable way for the brain science novice.)

What are some symptoms of trauma?

Hyper-vigilance-Because of the brain shift, one can be in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance. This goes back to the perception lens--the brain is constantly surveying for a potential threat. This also means that one may project past traumas onto current life events.

Social isolation-Not wanting to engage with others because this could set off a trigger, so it's better to avoid interaction. On the flip side, fraternizing with those who have suffered the same trauma may feel safe (e.g. other veterans) yet this can also be limiting over time as one's identity shifts.

Loss of identity-You may more commonly know this as survivor's guilt as well as confusion if the person who abused you was supposed to be your caretaker/loved one.

Emotionally numb-A way to deal with the trauma is to disassociate from one's body and feelings, leaving one devoid of feeling.

Loss of imagination-If raised in an unsafe environment, all of the body's systems are in self-preservation (hyper-vigilance) mode so there's no room for imagination or exploration.

Risk-taking-The body releases endorphins which are like morphine, so one can become addicted to risks or even find pleasure in pain. The body seeks this out to overcome anxiety.

How does one heal?

The author suggests 3 approaches to be used in tandem as needed.

1. Top down with talk therapy, specifically EMDR, Internal Family Systems and Neurofeedback. If you're in Austin, there's a great clinic that uses these approaches. Find out more about them here.
2. Medications that will turn off the body's alarm systems.
3. Bottom up through the physical so that the body can experience something other than helplessness and rage which gets held in the viscera (i.e. having a broken heart, stomach in knots). He suggests this in particular for those who suffer from musculo-skeletal pains that may have an emotional root. Since that is my bag and this is my blog, I'm going to spend a bit more time on this and his suggestions.

Heal trauma with mindfulness.

Ki Hara Active Stretching for mindfulness and flexibility.

The first step in releasing the past is reconnecting with and establishing ownership of the body to feel, find peace and focus so that when things trigger the past, one can maintain internal calm. When we can connect with how we feel, we can begin to change perspective. If we can't feel, we are incapable of figuring out what our body needs and how we can best take care of it. By being present in our bodies, it is safe to revisit the past without being overwhelmed by it. We can start to have words for things we may have hidden from ourselves and reintegrate the pieces of ourselves that we've lost along the way. A way of coping with trauma is disassociating from our bodies, so mindfulness and breath work reaffirm who we are as a whole being.

The author recommends yoga as an avenue to mindfully connect with the body. A former client of his specifically cited that Pilates helped her heal from a traumatic event to her pelvis. I love both of these modalities, yet I don't think I learned to be deeply connected to my own body until I encountered Ki Hara Resistance Stretching (aka yoga on steroids). It has been amazing for helping myself and my clients reconnect with areas of the body that have been forgotten and then integrating them to the whole. It's particularly effective because when I'm working with a client, it becomes a partner effort to rediscovery. In other words, it's not someone alone in their own stretching practice (though this is another component for establishing ownership of one's body). I can be an objective pair of eyes for how your body is moving when there could be a more efficient way. If you haven't connected to a part of your body in a long time, how are you even supposed to know it's there?

I found this book to be incredibly insightful both for my own understanding of some areas I need to work on and to have more compassion for others who have are trying their best to heal. If you're one who is better with video over books, here's an interview with the author with some similar themes.

An Energetic Approach to Movement

Movement is more than just muscles contracting to make bones move like we see in the gym machine pictures. Our body is a whole unit in which everything participates to create movement. For this reason, I approach the body from a fascial or connective tissue perspective which informs how various parts of the body work in conjunction to make the body shift and move. As I studied the human body, I observed subtle patterns of how things worked together and I could feel someone's jaw release as I stretched their quads (front thigh muscles). Imagine my excitement when I read Anatomy Trains in which Thomas Myers details all of these connections I was feeling. Even more neat is how these fascial lines also mirror Traditional Chinese Medicine/Acupuncture meridians or energetic pathways.

When someone steps into my studio, I immediately begin observing how these fascial lines may be locked too tight or too loose and how that is impacting their movement as well as contributing to pain they could be having. This means that your neck tension, for example, could be coming from a tight IT band. We then stretch and strenghten these other pulleys that could be pulling on a spot where the pain is felt.

This leads to more than just a muscular contraction approach to what is going on in the body both in terms of pain and improving athletic performance. Yoga and martial arts have understood this fluidity in movement approach for centuries. The cool part is you can actually become so connected to your body that you'll be able to feel how your foot tightening on one side is causing your shoulder blade to brace which may be impacting your tennis swing.

Employing the insight of fascial lines/acupuncture meridians and consciously moving through them helps to shift and move energy though the body. For some this may just feel like a muscular release or even a greater mindy body connection. This can also mean that you feel lighter on your feet as you walk and run, or maybe more relaxed and supported by the earth. You may find breathing easier or that you have more power. Some days this means that you can have an emotional release or even feel euphoria as you 'exercise'.

One of the beginnning concepts I teach is that we walk from the front of our low abs/pelvic muscles and that our shoulders balance into our solar plexus. So, it's kind of like we have a triangle from the pelvis to our legs and then if you flip that triangle up-side-down, your shoulders drop into your diaphragm. From an eastern perspective, we're walking from the 2nd chakra or lower dantian which also happens to be our pelvic muscles, the base of our core. Our shoulders nestle onto the shelf of our 3rd chakra or our middle dantian which is also our diaphragm, or the top of our core. Feeling these connections automatically means you're using your core in a fluid sense, instead of overly contracting these muscles, restricting the breath and tightening the hips. Connecting to the core in this way also helps to open these lower energy centers where many of us hold our emotional wounds.

An energetic approach to movement will leave you feeling more relaxed, open and supported which means more energy and less fatigue at the end of the day. Tapping into these connections always takes sports performance to a whole new level--you'll feel lighter as well as more agile. Schedule an appointment to learn how to tap more deeply into your personal power!

What can you let go of in 2017?

As we begin another year, many of us take this time to reflect on our health. Wellness resolutions are made and often not adhered to after a few days or weeks. If we start to look at what we're ready to let go of over adding another thing to the list, those resolutions stick and we have longer-lasting health benefits.

When you start to see your physical health is also your emotional health is also your mental health, you'll have more profound results in your overall wellbeing. When life stress happens, we can mentally acknowledge what's going on, we emotionally feel a response, and the physical body goes into self-protection mode even if we don't consciously realize it. Mindfully connecting to your movement gives you greater dexterity in your physical body, while showing you which stressors and emotions you hold where so you can let that old stuff go!

I had my own journey making these mind-body connections after I had a stabbing pain in my left hip so intense (10 out of 10 pain) that it locked out my lower back. I wrote about this more here. I studied and figured out the muscular imbalances, but that didn't fully eradicate the pain. Unfortunately, it wasn't until more than a year later that I started to notice when my hip pain increased. It initially surfaced when my father unexpectedly died of a heart issue. So, anytime I felt threatened or afraid of losing someone, those muscles tensed. As I addressed this duality of emotion (fear) with my muscular imbalance, my hip got better. It has since reared its head a few other times, most abruptly and intensely when I had a miscarriage. So, same death and loss trigger.

Each time the pain has returned, it has been less instense or has not lasted as long because now I'm working through the root triggers. We often don't realize how much we're internalizing minute-to-minute until something hurts. In my case, the grief was so overwhelming I couldn't even process what I was or was not internalizing. Now when my hip starts to 'talk' to me, it's my reminder to take stock of what is going on in my life...what am I afraid of? Is there another emotion my body is responding to? Can I shift my mental perspective?

In my work with clients, we try to explore which emotions you're experiencing and holding onto in your injured and chronically stuck spots. You may not completely let go of something you're holding onto, there are layers to process, particularly for intense or tragic life experiences. At least in letting go, we allow more space for healing and more of us is freed up to be present and more authentic. We have more ability to create the life we want over physically carrying around the past.

What are you ready to let go of this year?

For the month of January, I'm offering a New Year's package for new clients. For more information, click here.

Meet Izzy Swanson, Shamanic Reiki Master

Izzy and I met almost two years ago, and my first Shamanic Reiki session with her was epic. I have continued to see her regularly and her work has supported me through family illness, a miscarriage and relationship growing pains. I walk away from our meetings feeling more calm and anchored with perspective on whatever is going on in my life at that moment. She is a critical piece of my personal wellness and self-care, and I'm delighted to share her with you.

What is Shamanic Reiki?

Shamanic Reiki is the combination of shamanic practice and the healing energy of Reiki. Shamanic healing techniques include cord cutting or removing emotional attachments in the energy body, soul retrieval, working with past life experiences, and healing areas of the body that may be in pain. The shamanic practitioner travels into the spirit world and communicates with guides to gain insight about the methods that are necessary to provide healing. Reiki, also known as Universal Life-force Energy, is a form of energy that the practitioner channels into and around the body of the recipient. Reiki energy adjusts itself to the needs of the patient and promotes a sense of calm, relaxation, and peace while stimulating the body’s healing response. Reiki can also facilitate the release of intense emotions such as anger, worry, and sorrow. These healing techniques blend together for the benefit of the patient. Reiki amplifies and provides energetic support for shamanic healing techniques while restoring and comforting the body. It also helps to maintain a state of calm and balance as the practitioner and patient work together using shamanic practices to heal at a deep, soul level.

How did you arrive at this healing modality? Why did you choose it?

I didn’t set out to choose Reiki, it chose me. I set out to make my spiritual practice deeper and began exploring shamanic practice. I come from a background in wildlife biology and being close to nature was important to me. So shamanic practice seemed to resonate the most for me because it was connected to ancient traditions and was based in working with the land. It was a physical illness that led to me to go deeper into the work though. In 2011, I nearly died from an autoimmune disease and somewhere in my recovery process, I became very clear that healing my sprit had to be a part of surviving. I signed up for a shamanic training apprenticeship that ended abruptly due to an emergency with my teacher’s family. One of the women in my class offered to teach me and two others Reiki if we wanted to continue together as a group, so I said yes. There was no plan. It was as though the steps on the path were laid out before me and I became a Shamanic Reiki Master. In the beginning I thought it was something that I would use for my own healing but it did not take me long to realize that I needed to be of service to others, especially to those who had experienced trauma.

What conditions benefit from Shamanic Reiki?

Overall the possibilities of healing with this work are endless. Anyone can benefit from releasing energetic blocks and restoring the balance in mind, body and spirit. I primarily focus on working with the energetic signature of autoimmune diseases and healing trauma. The energetic pattern for both of these conditions is similar in that they create a sympathetic nervous system response that wears down the both the physical body and the emotional condition of the person experiencing them. Reiki can be used to help reset the body’s flight or fight response and help a person begin to rest. When a person feels calm and rested, they also feel safe. It is in that space that shamanic healing can be done to begin mending the soul wounds caused by trauma and the effects of the autoimmune response on the body.

Can you give us a self-care tip?

We pick up a lot of the energy of the people we interact with each day and not everyone we encounter is energetically balanced at that moment. Healers, ministers, and medical professionals are exposed to the unhealed energy of others every day. At the end of the day it is important to take a few minutes to cleanse yourself of the energy you have picked up from others. An easy way to do this is to take a shower and imagine that you are washing away any energetic debris you have picked up. Consciously think about releasing the energy you have and washing it down the drain. Also visualize any of your energy that you may have given away coming back to you while you do this. You can imagine that the water becomes a yellow, cleansing light as is washes over you. If you are not able to take a shower at night take a moment to go outside and stand on the Earth and imagine that the energy you need to release is flowing down into the Earth. Don’t worry, the Earth can use this energy as fuel and can turn it into positive energy.

Izzy does sessions in Austin and distance sessions. Learn more and book here.

Want to learn Reiki? Learn from Izzy! More info here.

Izzy also makes Reiki-infused essential oils, incense and sprays so you can cleanse your environment. Check out her Etsy shop here.