Why People Don't Heal And How They Can

I first came across Carolyn Myss, the author of this book, about 8 years ago. Since then, I've started this book 3 times and stopped because I saw different aspects of myself in the pages I wasn't yet ready to confront. If you were to put one self-improvement book on your summer reading list, I'd highly suggest this one.

Many of my clients initially come to me because they suffer from chronic pain and chronic fatigue. Naturally, they feel angry at their body and that they can't live their lives to the extent that they would like. Feeling stuck and depressed is an understandable companion to this anger. That said, the more anger we project back onto our bodies, the longer and more fraught the healing process is. A more effective path to healing is seeing the pain as a point of entry to explore deep within ourselves. In Why People Don't Heal and How They Can, Myss offers some ways to identify if we're suffering from what she calls Woundology and belief systems that could stifle our healing process.

These are the author's top 5 belief systems that most people get caught in when they're in pain or are ill. To move forward, we have to detach from the belief.

5 Myths of Healing

1. My life is defined by my wound (Woundology).
Seeing life through the lens of a traumatic experience means projecting that onto every future relationship and experience (though a book I wrote about last year here says the brain naturally will do this after trauma). Those stuck in this pattern will seek out a social support network that will be sympathetic to their experience and then they never have to move past it. Moreover, they connect with others by comparing wounds and feel empowered if they are more wounded than someone else. She specifically mentions survivor and addiction groups and that they are helpful at certain stages. To continue healing, however, one has to move past that identity of survivor or addict.

In short, we can get stuck in the healing process if we define our identity and live our lives through our wounds rather than evolving past them. It can be a tricky process because someone may think they're addressing their wounds, but what they're really doing is carrying them around like a badge of honor. Over time, our wounds accumulate and gradually suck our energy, leaving us prone to depression, pain and illness. To move past your wounds, focus efforts on things that feed you rather than deplete you. If a current event triggers you to recall all the other times this has happened to you, rather than listing the wounds, look at what you're doing in your life that is creating part of that pattern.

2. Being healthy means being alone.
This is a system that I've personally been guilty of over the last couple of years until I acknowledged that by engaging with others means I have to grow through the things that trigger me. When I envisioned myself as healthy, I was the only one in the room rather than being surrounded by those who I know love and support me. Myss contends healing is an ongoing process that is best done in a community that can help support our changes; "Healing does not represent the closure of the needs of the heart; rather, it is a doorway toward opening your heart." She cites American individualism as a culture block to realizing this yet also acknowledges that sometimes we do need to separate from someone or a community to grow.

3. Feeling pain means being destroyed by pain.
It's normal to believe that pain or illness is negative, yet these feelings can also push us to explore within ourselves and move away from destructive habits and behavioral patterns. She cautions against relying too much on prescription drugs or painkillers in general because they can mask the symptoms of what our body is asking us to heal. She suggests using a mindfulness practice like yoga or meditation to help with healing consciously.

4. All illness is a result of negativity and we are damaged at our core.
Myss encourages readers to not immediately blame a failure to heal on a past experience or negative belief. Illness is complex and there's plenty of toxins in our environment and genes that can be an aspect of illness. Our focus should instead be on our ability to create change over controlling our thoughts. Sometimes it's better to just let go of the negative thoughts or past experiences over trying to dive into them and understand them....that can do more harm than good.

5. True change is impossible.
Most of us don't really like change and to change but healing and change are the same thing. We associate illness with fear and negativity so it can be intimidating to confront the illness and look at how much we really take care of ourselves versus the needs of others. Try shifting the belief that healing will be hard or depressing to relieving and exciting.

This is one of the few books on healing that I've read that actually provides a structure for analyzing one's beliefs and how to better understand and forgive--she actually encourages making a chart/spreadsheet and guides readers on specificially how to structure it. That said, it's a very East meets West, spiritually-minded approach, so if that's not your bag, this may not be for you. If it is, Myss has a unique perspective on understanding how American culture looks at pain and illness that I found to be eye-opening in forgiving myself and others because we're all stuck in some collective, old mindsets that we can let go of reacting to individually.

The Body Keeps Score

Did you know that if you (or someone you know) have suffered through abuse, a traumatic event or upbringing that the brain actually shifted as you (they) attempted to process the pain? This book has rocked my world the past couple of weeks in learning how amazing the body is and how healing from trauma is a layered process.

What is trauma?

In short, something that was stressful in which you felt alone. Obvious examples here include abuse, natural disaster, loss, terrorism and war. In looking at the behavioral patterns that can arise from trauma, I can't help but think most of us could cite some form of traumatic event(s)/relationship(s) in our lives.

How does the brain shift?

Trauma can actually change the brain's alert system and responding hormones in addition to leaving a mark on the brain similar to a stroke. The author, Bessel Van der Kolk, conducted a study where he showed participants images to trigger their trauma while monitoring their brain hemispheres. When participants were exposed to traumatic images, the right side of the brain that impacts how we perceive the world around us was activated, while the left, organizational side deactivated. The brain itself is in response mode to the trigger without real context of time or place. Moreover, the brain's response to trauma is pre-verbal so this explains why recounting what happened in a logical or coherent manner may be difficult or garbled.

While one may consciously choose not to respond to a trauma trigger, the body systems are still reacting, including hormones, which don't return back to normal levels after being in fight or flight or freeze mode. Because of this there is an internal disconnect so one may suffer from addiction or self-mutilation as well as illness, adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue, poor sleep, memory issues, autoimmune disorders and irritability. (If you're super geeky about this stuff, as I am, he spends a good 10 pages going into brain chemistry specifics...but does so in a very approachable way for the brain science novice.)

What are some symptoms of trauma?

Hyper-vigilance-Because of the brain shift, one can be in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance. This goes back to the perception lens--the brain is constantly surveying for a potential threat. This also means that one may project past traumas onto current life events.

Social isolation-Not wanting to engage with others because this could set off a trigger, so it's better to avoid interaction. On the flip side, fraternizing with those who have suffered the same trauma may feel safe (e.g. other veterans) yet this can also be limiting over time as one's identity shifts.

Loss of identity-You may more commonly know this as survivor's guilt as well as confusion if the person who abused you was supposed to be your caretaker/loved one.

Emotionally numb-A way to deal with the trauma is to disassociate from one's body and feelings, leaving one devoid of feeling.

Loss of imagination-If raised in an unsafe environment, all of the body's systems are in self-preservation (hyper-vigilance) mode so there's no room for imagination or exploration.

Risk-taking-The body releases endorphins which are like morphine, so one can become addicted to risks or even find pleasure in pain. The body seeks this out to overcome anxiety.

How does one heal?

The author suggests 3 approaches to be used in tandem as needed.

1. Top down with talk therapy, specifically EMDR, Internal Family Systems and Neurofeedback. If you're in Austin, there's a great clinic that uses these approaches. Find out more about them here.
2. Medications that will turn off the body's alarm systems.
3. Bottom up through the physical so that the body can experience something other than helplessness and rage which gets held in the viscera (i.e. having a broken heart, stomach in knots). He suggests this in particular for those who suffer from musculo-skeletal pains that may have an emotional root. Since that is my bag and this is my blog, I'm going to spend a bit more time on this and his suggestions.

Heal trauma with mindfulness.

Ki Hara Active Stretching for mindfulness and flexibility.

The first step in releasing the past is reconnecting with and establishing ownership of the body to feel, find peace and focus so that when things trigger the past, one can maintain internal calm. When we can connect with how we feel, we can begin to change perspective. If we can't feel, we are incapable of figuring out what our body needs and how we can best take care of it. By being present in our bodies, it is safe to revisit the past without being overwhelmed by it. We can start to have words for things we may have hidden from ourselves and reintegrate the pieces of ourselves that we've lost along the way. A way of coping with trauma is disassociating from our bodies, so mindfulness and breath work reaffirm who we are as a whole being.

The author recommends yoga as an avenue to mindfully connect with the body. A former client of his specifically cited that Pilates helped her heal from a traumatic event to her pelvis. I love both of these modalities, yet I don't think I learned to be deeply connected to my own body until I encountered Ki Hara Resistance Stretching (aka yoga on steroids). It has been amazing for helping myself and my clients reconnect with areas of the body that have been forgotten and then integrating them to the whole. It's particularly effective because when I'm working with a client, it becomes a partner effort to rediscovery. In other words, it's not someone alone in their own stretching practice (though this is another component for establishing ownership of one's body). I can be an objective pair of eyes for how your body is moving when there could be a more efficient way. If you haven't connected to a part of your body in a long time, how are you even supposed to know it's there?

I found this book to be incredibly insightful both for my own understanding of some areas I need to work on and to have more compassion for others who have are trying their best to heal. If you're one who is better with video over books, here's an interview with the author with some similar themes.

Why is my body tight?

Full body, active Ki Hara stretching! Soooo yummy!

This is a question I'm often asked and believe that we have to look at more than just range-of-motion or trigger points for a good explanation. Some clients immediately tell me that their body is tight because it runs in their family, like they have an inflexiblity gene and traditional stretching just doesn't work for them. I see body tightness that runs in families as a cultural way that the family deals with stress and how we then handle stress as adults. Are things shoved under the rug or not acknowledged? Or, are things discussed and worked through together? Do you feel overwhelmed and overburdened by responsibility? Or, are you able to shift your perspective and carve out some self-care time?

The nervous system automatically charges up to help when we're stressed (sympathetic nervous system). One result when it kicks in is that the muscles tighten to prepare for action--we can see this in animals. When they perceive a threat, the breath cycle shortens, their whole body tightens and is ready to pounce. When we, as humans, hold in this way everyday, it leads to chronic body tightness and fatigue.

To offset this stress from a movement perspective, we most often think exercise. Yet, how many of us hold our breath when we try to burn off some steam? Muscles can't relax if they're being starved of oxygen. As someone who is also prone to this, I've started doing some diaphragm releases to connect with my breath before I intentionally move. This is my favorite diaphragm release to do pre-workout.

Ki Hara active stretching unwinds tension from the body, creating space for more breath. Clients always stand up at the end of a session saying they feel more alive, relaxed and have more blood flowing through their body. We target the areas you personally hold tension and dynamically release muscle tension there. Full body stretching like in the photo above, allows for the body to have a feeling of flow over bracing. To learn more, click here.  

Tips to Improve Forward Head Posture

Forward head posture is pretty ubiquitous in the 21st century. There's plenty of resources online about how to fix it from a purely physical approach, but I think the long-term solution is much more of a personal one.

Some common suggestions for correcting forward head posture include simply moving the head backward, which I feel does more immediate harm than good. If the head is forward, the shoulders are usually rounded as well (aka kyphosis). So, shifting the head back with this type of body shape collapses the breath by cutting off air flow through the throat. Another 'fix' is bringing the shoulder blades together, which most people find by arching their mid back in a way that the spine is not shaped, generating a lot of unnecessary tension and/or pain in their back and neck. I find that apporaching alignment from an energetic perspective brings faster change without ticking off another part of the body.

How does forward head posture have an energetic connection?

As the head drops forward, there's also a fold at the diaphragm or solar plexus (where the rib cage splits). From an Eastern perspective, this is where the third chakra is located. This area represents our personal power and autonomy, our sense that we have volition and agency in our life.

What causes restriction at the third chakra?

Pretty much anything that compromises our ability to truly be ourselves and love ourselves. This can be events in our past and it can also be aspects of our present life. You may have not have grown up in a family culture of complete love and acceptance for your true self. Maybe you now feel burdened by responsibility and you're unhappy in your job/relationship/life. If this rings true, you may not feel like you have personal power or ability to change the parts of your life you're dissastisfied with.

Shame shuts off flow through the third chakra and limits our ability to fully embody our power. It wasn't until coming across Brene Brown's work several years ago that I realized how much shame I've held onto--I don't think I fully understood what that word meant before reading her book. Shame=all of the ways you don't feel like you're enough. For me this came in sneaky ways....maybe I didn't say 'I'm not attractive,' when looking in the mirror, but I did hold myself to a super high standard and compared myself to my percpetion of others. Shame lies on the other side of all of that because I could never be or do enough. Finding self-love has been a beautiful thing!

Some of us self-sabotage as a part of being constricted in this area. Maybe we put too many things on our plate and have a tough time saying 'no' to commitments. Others procrastinate and feel shame for doing so. Regardless of our personal habits, we can find ourselves in the midst of a big ol' shame snowball.

So how does all this connect to posture again?

Basically, forward head posture, just like everything else in the body, is more than just you looking at your phone too much. It's also a relfection of feeling burdened and not enough.

What helps?

The third chakra is located at the diaphragm, so doing more things to connect with your breath and lift through that space will help. Here's a video to help explain that in a seated position.

In addition to connecting with your breath, start noticing how you treat yourself. Do you belittle yourself or have a harsh inner critic? Do you take on more than you can reasonably accomplish without feeling stressed? How do you approach your responsibilities? Is there a way to visualize the best possible outcome over feeling overwhelmed?

Allow yourself to feel more over thinking. We value thought over feeling as a culture and that contributes to the head falling forward--we decapitate ourselves from the rest of the body. Taking a moment to feel and appreciate something in your day can show you how much power you already have.

And that's always a good place to start. :)

Are you a tightass?

Most of us are, and the funny part is, we're completely unaware.

Ki Hara Active Hip Stretch

What is a tightass?

I define it as one who perpetually grips in their pelvis, specifically in the urinary and anal sphincters. Clenching here tightens muscles in the pelvic floor, which pull on the hips, which pull on the lower back.

How does one become a tightass?

Stress
Our bodies (nervous systems) are wired to process stress with fight or flight. Evolutionarily, if something threatened our survival, we fought or we ran. In the 21st century reality, it's usually not possible to discharge stress at the moment we're feeling it. Plus, we usually have multiple stressors hitting us simultaneously. We are then left with a freeze response, so the body goes on lockdown, as do our bums.

Breath
Building on the above, shortening our breath is a top physical holding response when we freeze. Unfortunately, this is where we spend the bulk of our time--barely breathing, which, only keeps our nervous system in a hightened state of stress. So the stress/breath cycle snowballs. Right now, take an inventory of your breath. Can you even out your inhalation and exhalation time? How many seconds does it take you to do an inhale/exhale? Can you increase that duration by 1 second, or maybe even 2 seconds? Does your body (pay attention to your pelvis, in particular) relax a little bit with this slightly longer breath cycle? Now pause and hold your breath...do you feel your sphincters tighten again?

Digestive Issues There's a greater awareness now about food sensitivities and allergies. When our digestive system is upset on a regular basis, it can lead to chronic clenching of the digestive sphincters. I also think sitting for long periods and the subsequent slowing of our metabolism can let things feel stuck in our digestive tract.

Sucking in the Stomach/Wearing Restrictive Clothing This usually applies more to women than men. Wearing restrictive clothing or sucking the stomach in, once again means the breath is affected so the tightass tendency follows.

Energetic/Emotional Component The area we're talking about in the body corresponds to the root chakra. This chakra, or energy center, represents our foundation, sense of safety, financial stability and tribal (family of origin) identity. Pretty much everyone has some emotional crap involving at least one of these issues. Emotional holding patterns surrounding fear, in particular, contribute to chronic clenching in the pelvis.

Why does it matter?

Tightening your holes pulls on your hip rotation muscles (especially the obterator internus), locking your femur (thigh bone) in a shortened range of motion. Chronic holding in this area of the pelvis directly affects not just hip rotation but also low back pain. The femur is a ball and socket, a super mobile joint. When we restrict its full range of motion (most of us don't even work the hips in their full range of motion on a regular basis, that will be another blog post) the sacral area of the low back gets pissed off because it's having to do the work that the ball and socket should be doing. Then we have low back pain. I'm not saying this is the exclusive reason for lower back pain, but it is a significant one.

What should you do about it?

Wear clothing that doesn't restrict your breathing and try to relax these muscles with your breath. For more information, check here on how to do that:

Pay attention to which foods your body is happy and nourished by and try to eat more of those. One of my favorite go-tos for eating more vegetables is eating 5 different vegetables each day. I find that the goal becomes the center-point of my meal planning because the focus is how I give my body nutrients rather than a thou-shalt-not-eat __ approach.

Do something for you throughout each day...even if it's just 5 minutes. As a movement person, let me suggest this be something movement-related. Not just because you're taking care of your body, it will also help aid your digestion and kick in your parasympathetic (calming) nevous system. Maybe it's taking a timer-motivated break for 5 mintues in which you just focus on your breathing or on your favorite cup of tea. Maybe it's repeating a favorite mantra each time you look in the mirror or take a bathroom break.

Start looking at your fear patterns and letting those fears go. We often hold onto fears that took root in our childhood that are no longer relevant and necessary in adulthood. A good place to start is noticing when you're triggered by something someone says or does and ask yourself why you had a reaction at all. Did it highlight a fear you have? Was it a way your parents/sibling/family member spoke to you growing up? Are you reacting to that trigger now the same as when you were younger? How does your body feel? Where do you feel tightness or restriction?

Trying a multi-faceted approach, meaning looking at your back pain (or maybe just your tight ass) from a physical as well as emotional perspective can lead to greater and longer-lasting pain relief...and help you grow as a person.