Why People Don't Heal And How They Can

I first came across Carolyn Myss, the author of this book, about 8 years ago. Since then, I've started this book 3 times and stopped because I saw different aspects of myself in the pages I wasn't yet ready to confront. If you were to put one self-improvement book on your summer reading list, I'd highly suggest this one.

Many of my clients initially come to me because they suffer from chronic pain and chronic fatigue. Naturally, they feel angry at their body and that they can't live their lives to the extent that they would like. Feeling stuck and depressed is an understandable companion to this anger. That said, the more anger we project back onto our bodies, the longer and more fraught the healing process is. A more effective path to healing is seeing the pain as a point of entry to explore deep within ourselves. In Why People Don't Heal and How They Can, Myss offers some ways to identify if we're suffering from what she calls Woundology and belief systems that could stifle our healing process.

These are the author's top 5 belief systems that most people get caught in when they're in pain or are ill. To move forward, we have to detach from the belief.

5 Myths of Healing

1. My life is defined by my wound (Woundology).
Seeing life through the lens of a traumatic experience means projecting that onto every future relationship and experience (though a book I wrote about last year here says the brain naturally will do this after trauma). Those stuck in this pattern will seek out a social support network that will be sympathetic to their experience and then they never have to move past it. Moreover, they connect with others by comparing wounds and feel empowered if they are more wounded than someone else. She specifically mentions survivor and addiction groups and that they are helpful at certain stages. To continue healing, however, one has to move past that identity of survivor or addict.

In short, we can get stuck in the healing process if we define our identity and live our lives through our wounds rather than evolving past them. It can be a tricky process because someone may think they're addressing their wounds, but what they're really doing is carrying them around like a badge of honor. Over time, our wounds accumulate and gradually suck our energy, leaving us prone to depression, pain and illness. To move past your wounds, focus efforts on things that feed you rather than deplete you. If a current event triggers you to recall all the other times this has happened to you, rather than listing the wounds, look at what you're doing in your life that is creating part of that pattern.

2. Being healthy means being alone.
This is a system that I've personally been guilty of over the last couple of years until I acknowledged that by engaging with others means I have to grow through the things that trigger me. When I envisioned myself as healthy, I was the only one in the room rather than being surrounded by those who I know love and support me. Myss contends healing is an ongoing process that is best done in a community that can help support our changes; "Healing does not represent the closure of the needs of the heart; rather, it is a doorway toward opening your heart." She cites American individualism as a culture block to realizing this yet also acknowledges that sometimes we do need to separate from someone or a community to grow.

3. Feeling pain means being destroyed by pain.
It's normal to believe that pain or illness is negative, yet these feelings can also push us to explore within ourselves and move away from destructive habits and behavioral patterns. She cautions against relying too much on prescription drugs or painkillers in general because they can mask the symptoms of what our body is asking us to heal. She suggests using a mindfulness practice like yoga or meditation to help with healing consciously.

4. All illness is a result of negativity and we are damaged at our core.
Myss encourages readers to not immediately blame a failure to heal on a past experience or negative belief. Illness is complex and there's plenty of toxins in our environment and genes that can be an aspect of illness. Our focus should instead be on our ability to create change over controlling our thoughts. Sometimes it's better to just let go of the negative thoughts or past experiences over trying to dive into them and understand them....that can do more harm than good.

5. True change is impossible.
Most of us don't really like change and to change but healing and change are the same thing. We associate illness with fear and negativity so it can be intimidating to confront the illness and look at how much we really take care of ourselves versus the needs of others. Try shifting the belief that healing will be hard or depressing to relieving and exciting.

This is one of the few books on healing that I've read that actually provides a structure for analyzing one's beliefs and how to better understand and forgive--she actually encourages making a chart/spreadsheet and guides readers on specificially how to structure it. That said, it's a very East meets West, spiritually-minded approach, so if that's not your bag, this may not be for you. If it is, Myss has a unique perspective on understanding how American culture looks at pain and illness that I found to be eye-opening in forgiving myself and others because we're all stuck in some collective, old mindsets that we can let go of reacting to individually.

Cross Training for Runners

We are deep in marathon-training season here in Texas thanks to temperatures that make outdoor activity easier. It's also a season when logging high mileage can lead to poor movement patterns and then injury. Using a combination of massage, trigger point therapy, stretching and strength training can not only keep you inury-free, it can also improve time and performance on the road.

This is a collection of some of my favorite stretches and exercises for runners, particularly for folks who stare at a screen for a living and love running for cardiovascular and mental health. As someone who is a bit 'Type A' I love my exercise and stretching routines to have twofers or threefers meaning you're getting multiple benefits from each. We're all busy so we might as well feel like we're accomplishing a few things at once from our stretching routines.

Massage & Trigger Point Release

We could all use to take better care of our feet, especially if you're out pounding the pavement for miles every week. Consider this massage like foam rolling for your feet. It only takes a couple of minutes and is easy to do while watching tv or before you pop on those shoes for a jog. Check and see if your foot changes color after you do it!

Trigger Point

The gist of trigger point work, if you have not heard of it before, is that you find a tender spot and apply consistent pressure until the muscle starts to relax. This can take minutes and can be confusing at first if you can't feel the muscles releasing. The more you practice the easier it is to know when the muscle is letting go. You can use a ball, foam roller or other trigger point therapy tool--my only reminder is to breathe! Below are two different releases you can do with a ball and a foam roller.

Piriformis (hip rotation) Trigger Point Release 

Gluteal (butt) Muscle Trigger Point

Calf Trigger Point Release

Stretching

If you want to up your stretching routine and do something beyond the basic quad and calf stretch you learned in grade school, these are my favorites for stretching multiple places at one time. They incorporate stretching muscles as well as facial or connective tissue lines. Many runners may be aware that their calves and hamstrings could use a stretch (find my favorite version here), but knowing how to stretch the front of the shins is a bit more complicated. Click here for my suggestion for a good shin stretch.

Strengthening Exercises

When you're spending so much time on the road just trying to get your mileage in, stretching may be the only thing you may take time to do. Cross training exercises are soooo important for runners as you're doing a highly repetitive action. This plus long hours potentially looking at a screen usually means the hip muscles become weak because they're being supported by a chair most of the day. Hip weakness combined with high mileage is a recipe for chronic pain or an injury. Most runners I've worked with need more lateral (abductor) strength, inner thigh (adductor) strength as well as core stability via the obliques.

Strengthen You Rear

Inner Thigh Stretch and Strengthening

When looking at a screen most hours of the day and then participating in exercise that is also very forward-oriented, the obliques and the cross body stability muscles become weak. Improving these means improving balance so your energy can carry you forward. An added bonus is that you may even see your waistline shrink if you work on these muscles. Here's a simple, yet super challenging one using a foam roller.

Core Strengthening and Stability

How I can help

Ki Hara active stretching (see example here) is super effective in creating flexibility and strength at the same time. Having this muscular dexterity not only allows you to run longer, but also faster. Many professional athletes and sports teams across the country use this technique as their secret weapon.

I also use a piece of equipment called the CoreAlign that is phenomenal for gait training and orienting the body to the core in a running motion (see more about it here). I've helped many marathoners streamline their gait patterns so they can lower their per mile time. If you've ever, even as a teen, had an injury to the lower half of your body, you may have established some compensation patterns in your walk. Running with these compensation patterns can be an underlying component to chronic pain and injury. Peeling back those patterns will give you more agility and speed as you run. You have more power than you realize!!

Stretches to Relieve Lower Back Pain

Lower back pain can have many different causes. Muscle weakness, poor posture, disc/spinal issues, leg length differential or an old injury can all factor into back pain. That said, this chronic pain can be helped by stretching certain areas and building hip strength.

From a fascial (connective tissue) line perspective, the tension you feel in the lower back could be coming from anywhere along that posterior side of your body. So a tight foot or calf on that side could also be a tight sacrum. Below is a simple foot fascia stretch you could do while watching tv or before a walk/run. If you know you have tight calves, this is my favorite stretch to release the muscles as well as the fascial line.

For a more active approach, anyone with a tight lower back has tight quad muscles (front of thighs). This version integrates a yoga pose with some turbo options for stretching. Your front leg doesn't need to be crossed in front of the opposite thigh, you can just tuck that knee underneath you. You can also place a pillow underneath the glute that is stretching. Just being here may be intense enough. If so, breathe and visualize new space in your hips. You may also feel this more in your butt than in your quad. Try to bend the elongated leg for the thigh stretch. If your hamstring cramps, scroll up and do the calf stretch first. If you can bend the knee, this stretch is a great twofer for the thigh and rear.

Another area that can pull on the lower back is the groin. Most of us never think to stretch here yet it can really compound tension in the lumbar spine. This is a pretty intense stretch, so here is a more gentle stretch.

When you're out of the pain or as a preventative measure, you want to build hip strength. If you've recently had pain, doing this may not feel good, so listen to your body. If you feel a sharp pain, this is not for you right now. You may need more individualized help, so gimme a call! Or, reach out to your trusted chiropractor, massage therapist or physical therapist.

I find that lower back pain perhaps more than any other chronic pain area always has an emotional or stress-holding connection. I already wrote about how lower back pain connects with breath holding here. Some things to explore for the emotional connection would be: When did this pain start? What else was going on in your life around that time? Does the pain tend to get worse during certain times of the day? If it's in the morning, are you happy in your work/relationship? In the evening, are you feeling burdened by your responsibilities? Does it hurt more when you speak to a certain person? Are you holding or internalizing anger, frustration or another emotion with regard to that person?

Noticing your personal patterns can help you start to process some of these underlying aspects that are keeping this pain chronic. I believe this is a big reason why a massage or even a stretching routine doesn't keep the pain from coming back. If some of this resonates for you, visualize these emotions/memories leaving your body via your breath. Let it go!

Improve your Squat Form

A few years ago I visited Japan and enountered my first non-Western toilet on a regional train. Not only did I struggle at using 'squatty potty', it was even harder in a moving train. Perfecting and holding a full, deep squat with heels on the floor became my physical focus of that year. The deeper my squat became, the more I felt new muscles in my pelvis that I had no idea existed!

Squatting is a fundamental human movement and helps to maintain a healthy pelvic floor with core stability. As we squat, the pelvic floor has to expand like a suspension bridge to support us, meaning we have to let go of stress-holding in that area. Regularly practicing a full squat is a great way to release tension in the pelvic floor. It's also a great way to build hip strength if you have ever been pregnant.

As we spend more time in chairs with our knees and ankles fixed at 90 degree angles, squats become important for foot and knee health so that our body understands it can still move those joints deeply. We can forget about this until small children come into our lives and we realize that we don't feel confident squatting down to pick up the child from the floor. Not only are we lacking hip strength, there's a general inflexiblity in the lower joints of the body.

Squatting, and the muscles required to do one are important for aging well and not succumbing to a 'falling-and-I-can't-get-up' scenario. I'm an advocate of an unweighted squat, meaning just your body weight on these joints is sufficient. We're all shaped differently with different movement pasts, so I'm also more free form on how wide the feet are and if the legs are turned out or not. If your ankles are tight and you have a hard time keeping your heels down, hold onto something and place a towel or wedge under your heels. You can also try stretching your calves first to see if that helps your heels stay down. My favorite way:

You can deepen your squat if you understand that your bones spiral as you descend and ascend. If these bones didn't pivot and move, we would just toppple over. Feeling them move, and even coaxing your muscles with your hands, can remind your body that we're always in rotation and that twisting can allow for deeper movement and more core engagement.

Squatting is a phenomenal way to ground yourself and feel like you're connecting downward instead of holding the weight of the world on your shoulders. It doesn't matter how deep or how perfect your squat is, just try to drop down towards the earth and feel how you are supported. Feeling this sensation can help alleviate stress and relax the body. Feel how much your life can improve by doing a squat a day!

The Body Keeps Score

Did you know that if you (or someone you know) have suffered through abuse, a traumatic event or upbringing that the brain actually shifted as you (they) attempted to process the pain? This book has rocked my world the past couple of weeks in learning how amazing the body is and how healing from trauma is a layered process.

What is trauma?

In short, something that was stressful in which you felt alone. Obvious examples here include abuse, natural disaster, loss, terrorism and war. In looking at the behavioral patterns that can arise from trauma, I can't help but think most of us could cite some form of traumatic event(s)/relationship(s) in our lives.

How does the brain shift?

Trauma can actually change the brain's alert system and responding hormones in addition to leaving a mark on the brain similar to a stroke. The author, Bessel Van der Kolk, conducted a study where he showed participants images to trigger their trauma while monitoring their brain hemispheres. When participants were exposed to traumatic images, the right side of the brain that impacts how we perceive the world around us was activated, while the left, organizational side deactivated. The brain itself is in response mode to the trigger without real context of time or place. Moreover, the brain's response to trauma is pre-verbal so this explains why recounting what happened in a logical or coherent manner may be difficult or garbled.

While one may consciously choose not to respond to a trauma trigger, the body systems are still reacting, including hormones, which don't return back to normal levels after being in fight or flight or freeze mode. Because of this there is an internal disconnect so one may suffer from addiction or self-mutilation as well as illness, adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue, poor sleep, memory issues, autoimmune disorders and irritability. (If you're super geeky about this stuff, as I am, he spends a good 10 pages going into brain chemistry specifics...but does so in a very approachable way for the brain science novice.)

What are some symptoms of trauma?

Hyper-vigilance-Because of the brain shift, one can be in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance. This goes back to the perception lens--the brain is constantly surveying for a potential threat. This also means that one may project past traumas onto current life events.

Social isolation-Not wanting to engage with others because this could set off a trigger, so it's better to avoid interaction. On the flip side, fraternizing with those who have suffered the same trauma may feel safe (e.g. other veterans) yet this can also be limiting over time as one's identity shifts.

Loss of identity-You may more commonly know this as survivor's guilt as well as confusion if the person who abused you was supposed to be your caretaker/loved one.

Emotionally numb-A way to deal with the trauma is to disassociate from one's body and feelings, leaving one devoid of feeling.

Loss of imagination-If raised in an unsafe environment, all of the body's systems are in self-preservation (hyper-vigilance) mode so there's no room for imagination or exploration.

Risk-taking-The body releases endorphins which are like morphine, so one can become addicted to risks or even find pleasure in pain. The body seeks this out to overcome anxiety.

How does one heal?

The author suggests 3 approaches to be used in tandem as needed.

1. Top down with talk therapy, specifically EMDR, Internal Family Systems and Neurofeedback. If you're in Austin, there's a great clinic that uses these approaches. Find out more about them here.
2. Medications that will turn off the body's alarm systems.
3. Bottom up through the physical so that the body can experience something other than helplessness and rage which gets held in the viscera (i.e. having a broken heart, stomach in knots). He suggests this in particular for those who suffer from musculo-skeletal pains that may have an emotional root. Since that is my bag and this is my blog, I'm going to spend a bit more time on this and his suggestions.

Heal trauma with mindfulness.

Ki Hara Active Stretching for mindfulness and flexibility.

The first step in releasing the past is reconnecting with and establishing ownership of the body to feel, find peace and focus so that when things trigger the past, one can maintain internal calm. When we can connect with how we feel, we can begin to change perspective. If we can't feel, we are incapable of figuring out what our body needs and how we can best take care of it. By being present in our bodies, it is safe to revisit the past without being overwhelmed by it. We can start to have words for things we may have hidden from ourselves and reintegrate the pieces of ourselves that we've lost along the way. A way of coping with trauma is disassociating from our bodies, so mindfulness and breath work reaffirm who we are as a whole being.

The author recommends yoga as an avenue to mindfully connect with the body. A former client of his specifically cited that Pilates helped her heal from a traumatic event to her pelvis. I love both of these modalities, yet I don't think I learned to be deeply connected to my own body until I encountered Ki Hara Resistance Stretching (aka yoga on steroids). It has been amazing for helping myself and my clients reconnect with areas of the body that have been forgotten and then integrating them to the whole. It's particularly effective because when I'm working with a client, it becomes a partner effort to rediscovery. In other words, it's not someone alone in their own stretching practice (though this is another component for establishing ownership of one's body). I can be an objective pair of eyes for how your body is moving when there could be a more efficient way. If you haven't connected to a part of your body in a long time, how are you even supposed to know it's there?

I found this book to be incredibly insightful both for my own understanding of some areas I need to work on and to have more compassion for others who have are trying their best to heal. If you're one who is better with video over books, here's an interview with the author with some similar themes.